DID Talk

I have been trying to figure out when I have switched personalities, what triggers them, why they come, how long they stay, and who might have seen them. Stress and fear trigger them. I know that the one I have been coconscious with always, Mikey, comes out for fun, but also when my body wants certain things, sexual things that I don’t need to discuss here. Mikey knows how to be there and still let me do the talking, so he is perhaps sucking my thumb, or curling up in a corner crying, or just losing it in laughter over things that are only marginally funny. He laughs a lot over silly things because he has the sense of humor of an 8 year old boy. Mikey talks like a much younger child because he has speech issues. But when I ride roller coasters, he laughs and laughs, he loves them. He turns his head and rides as if he is going backwards. He is the only one with enough guts to ride Splash Mountain. He can take the drop that I am terrified of. Mikey also comes out when I am completely comfortable, snuggled under a blanket, warm and safe, because this safety is something he loves. Some of you may have been around when Mikey is out and just thought I was screwing around talking like a baby. Or you may have ridden a roller coaster with me and heard me laugh and laugh, that’s Mikey.
I have another alter named Annette. She is triggered by stress. I guess I really don’t know what the trigger is so much as when she shows herself. Annette usually does my job interviews. She is the one who has interviewed me into jobs I am not really qualified for and that I have had to scramble to learn quickly. Annette is very self-assured, confident, put together. Annette really only comes up in job interviews or situations where she feels the need to show a very well adjusted, strong, confident woman. I know very little about her. I seldom am conscious of what she does or says, so I often have no idea what happened in job interviews. Annette also often takes exams for me when, and only when, I am completely nervous about them. She often takes over as I am about to speak in public, but she lets me do the public speaking, she just takes over as I wait for my turn.
Sian Barbara is the one who flirts. She flirts shamelessly. She flirts with men when I am drunk. She flirts with women when I am completely sober. She doesn’t actually show up much. She is very quiet for the most part.
MJ is a male alter full of anger and hate for those who have hurt me. He knows turns all of that hurt in on me. He cuts me, scratches me, basically self mutilates. MJ has road rage, and many of you have seen or heard him. He is often one to get out of the car and threaten people who get him angry when I am driving. He does things to me to try to let out the pain that I cannot stand to feel, but long to feel.
Patty is an alter who I know of, have seen in my mind very clearly, but she will not speak. Mikey has told me that she knows all of the math I was supposed to learn from 2nd to 4th grade. This explains why word problems puzzle me so; I should have been learning them then.
Reeny is Mikey’s twin. She stutters. I have no idea what triggers her or why or what triggers her. She will often show up just enough to make me stutter, then goes back deep inside. Excitement makes her stutter I think.
Gregory is around 17 or 18 and is able to drive. He is very laid back. He takes over when I suddenly realize I am behind the wheel of the car and have no clue where I am I or where I am going. I don’t know what triggers him. He’s hard to tell from me I think. I am not sure.
And the only other alter I am aware of is Jolene. I just found her by accident. She is a 50ish southern lady. She defends me, not afraid to get up in someone’s face.
That is all of the ones I know about now, but apparently, according to the number of people in my head trying to talk to me.
I know you don’t all believe me, and that is ok. I would like to say that being as most of these alters have been with me for years, protecting me, they are all adept at acting like me when need be. They answer to my name. They act like me, or switch back so that they are not known.
I have not been switching at all for the last couple of weeks. I am able to be coconscious with them now for the most part, but sometimes I still lose time occasionally. I was at Disneyland and lost pieces of the day, but the people I was with said I didn’t do anything crazy, just cracked up on coasters and a few other things. I think that the med they gave me to try to quiet them is working. They will come forward if asked. I am able to be aware that they are out. My therapist has brought these alters out and introduced me to them to me.
I still think that you are all confused, or angry, or disbelieving, so am I. I don’t know what to think. I am don’t know anything about this stuff other than DID people lose time, usually big chunks of time, I misses math and I lost moments, hours, never whole days or longer. I don’t want to be this way. But I dissociate most often in therapy sessions because any time we get to a subject I can’t handle talking about, one of them does it for me.
Some of you who believe, have seen, or are concerned want to know what to do if you encounter an alter. Establish who they are, ask, and then use their name if it doesn’t bother you to do so. I am told it is best to acknowledge who they are and make them feel safe. I am indeed trying to keep them inside in front of other people because I know that my friends don’t want to hear about it, see it, or know it.
I am very freaked out buy the whole thing. It explains some things for me, like feeling I am standing outside myself, doing or saying thing I would never do. It’s weird that they have conversations with each other. It’s weird to know there are others in there I haven’t met yet.