How Many Times

How many times did I just let it happen?
How many times did I keep the secret?
Was it my fault?
Could I have done it different?
Fear immobilized me
He’d just beat me more.

How Many times did I just let it happen?
How does that add up to participation?
How is it my fault?
Could we have done differently?
Fear immobilized me
He would just use me more.

How many times did I just let it happen?
How many times did I just slip away
To some other place
In my head,
Another head,
Another brain,
Different memories.
Fear immobilized us all
They would just use me more

How many times did I just let it happen?
How many times it was kept from me
By the others
The team
In my head
How does it come to be
That all was my fault?
Fear immobilized us
And they always used me more.


2010