another lost friend, more than a friend

Another friend lost. I am accused of breaking a confidence. I say I have no memory of it, but then I say it is possible that one of the alters said something and I don’t remember it. I’m not going to dance around it, this is my blog. I get a text from my nephew’s ex asking if I told him she was dating someone. I say no, she asks how he knows then, I only told you. The thing is she didn’t just tell me, she told us, and if one of the others was talking to my nephew and said something, I don’t remember it. I hate that. I guess I am responsible for what they do whether or not I have memory of it. This does not seem fair to me at all. I felt accused. I said so. I told her that he and I don’t really talk about her. I told her that he and I mostly talk about me. He is one of the few who still listens when I talk about my mental health stuff. He is the one in the family to tell me to follow my heart and not go for safety with my degree. So because of him and my therapist, I have to decided to apply for the MFA in creative writing program. He says follow my heart. Anyway the point is I don’t talk to him about her because he gets all upset and it just hurts everyone. So now one of my alters may have let out information I never would have. The ex girlfriend now hates me and says we shouldn’t communicate. Great. I have done so much to offer to be there for her, been there for her, loved her, but because my stupid “team” can’t keep their mouths shut, I pay the price. I lose her friendship. It really doesn’t matter that much, because she has been avoiding me anyway. But I gave her a heart carved out of soap stone and I want it back. It wasn’t cheap and it was a mate to the ones my nephew and I carry. She stopped carrying it anyway, so I hope she won’t give me a hard time about giving it back.

I hate losing people in my life, but whoever it is inside my head that likes to create drama for other people makes that happen a lot.