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Sunday, April 25, 2010

Do you?

Do you wonder every day if what you remember is real, or not? Do you wonder every day if people believe you or not? Do you have memories of bad things that no one else seems to think happened, or flat out deny happened? Do you doubt yourself? Do you have gaps in memory, lapses in time you can’t explain? Do things appear in your room that you don’t remember buying? Do you spend money and not know you spent it? Have you been diagnosed as having a mental illness and then been treated like that means you are mentally deficient? Do people you love and care about, whose opinion matters to you, doubt your diagnoses? Do you here people in your head, not like a schizophrenic but voices that seem to belong to you and are not you? Do you often wonder if you are losing your mind? Do you feel people just humor you and laugh behind your back? Do you wonder why no one talks to you? Do you talk too much, too little? Do you cross boundaries or keep them so close you let no one in, or a combination of both? Do you feel socially retarded? Are you socially retarded? Were you raped, more than once, and doubt it ever happened? Do feel like all of your memories are suspect? Do you fall in love easily, but have trouble accepting love from anyone? Do you fear trust? Are you certain everyone will eventually let you down? And still find yourself trusting, and being let down? Do you feel your intuition is failing you? Do you wonder how the word victim ever appeared on your forehead? Why people felt you could be hurt and walked on and you would never say anything? Did you keep your mouth shut out of fear? Do you still fear anger and avoid it at the cost of yourself? Do you feel the need to be the one to fix things, make them right, even when you haven’t done anything wrong?

If you feel any of those things, you aren’t alone.

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