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Monday, April 12, 2010

vent 4/12/10

This is my blog, my place to vent, so I am going to vent.
I totaled my brother’s truck the other day. He was renting it to me. He would have sold it to me, but it was promised to his daughter when she turned 16. He told me she gave him a lot of crap about letting me use it. He told me she gave him a lot, a lot of crap about me wrecking it. He apologized to her profusely, I heard him on the phone.
So I decide I need to apologize to her. I wrote to her and not only apologized but promised that whatever vehicle I get now, she can have when she is 16. I was as nice as I could be. I feel really bad about destroying a truck that wasn’t mine. Her response was to tell me she was sick of hearing about it in a way that might as well have been her telling me to shut up. She didn’t use those words, but that was her attitude. There was no acceptance of the apology, or even acknowledgement of it. There was no thank you for saying I would give her a vehicle at 16 to make up for it. It felt rather ungrateful and her response was nasty.
I didn’t much care for that kind of nasty response. I didn’t like that her concern all of this time has been over the dumb truck. She hasn’t cared one damn bit whether or not I was injured, or why the accident happened or anything. So I wrote and told her several times how much I love her, and how hurt I was that she was so ungrateful for my offer. I told her a lot of stuff I probably shouldn’t have, but some of it she needed to hear, like how ungrateful it was for her to reject my offer, and how hurt I was that she seemed to care more about the damn truck than about her aunt.
She complained to her father. I apologized to her for writing, and then she unloaded some crap on me that I accused her of things she didn’t do or say. I based what I said to her on what I heard from her father about the grief she gave him over the damn truck, and about the shit she said to me. If I was wrong, fine, say so, but she went beyond and told me not to contact her ever again.
So now I just think she is one seriously ungrateful and mean teenager. I love her and I have enjoyed watching her grow up quite a bit lately, but now I just feel like she hates me over the truck, the apology, the offer of another car or truck, and just being me. I guess that’s just one more person in the family who hates me, Yay Me!


  1. I'm sure your nieces words cut to the bone, but try to remember the psychology of teenage girls, and that her irrational response is actually quite age appropriate. Please don't allow this situation to lead you to feel hated, rejected yet again.

    Give her the space she is asking for, and just let time pass. She may surprise you after she gains a bit of maturity.

    You didn't mention any injuries, so I assume you had none that were serious, at least. I am very glad for that!

    Keep writing. It is such good therapy. I tried to journal three times in my life, and never found my own voice to honestly put down my feelings until just last fall. It has been a wonderful, trying, beautiful, exhausting, gratifying, scary journey for me. As I am sure might be for you. But, please stick with it.

  2. Allyson Fricken HugginsApril 18, 2010 at 10:25 AM

    YOU DONT NEED TO HAVE YOUR WHOLE BLOG FANS OR WHATEVER KNOW ABOUT THAT!!! UNFRICKEN CALLED FOR!!!! BESIDES YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I WAS FEELING OR ANYTHING SO YOU CANT CALL ME UNGRATEFUL AND NASTY FOR YOU HAVE NO FRICKEN RIGHT!!!! And no I probably wont come around to forgive you because you went farther in this whole thing than I did! Thanks for being a jerk bout things.

  3. Sounds like Allyson is too young and immature for this blog. This is Maureen's blog, and of course she can write what she wants and needs! There is a content warning prior to accessing the blog, so Allyson, perhaps you should heed that warning.

  4. Perhaps you should understand that she has no right to post a private thing between me and her on her blogspot that anyone can see

  5. Allyson, she has every right to post what she needs and wants to. I refer you to the freedom of speech guaranteed by the United States Constitution. Her comments are legal. They are neither libelous nor slanderous and do not constitute defamation.

    If it bothers you to read what is included in her blog, then do not read it. It is a part of Maureen's processing and healing, and deserves respect no matter how uncomfortable it may or may not make the rest of us.

  6. I started this post with I need to vent. The rejection of my offer of a car seemed so very ungrateful to me. I can say anything I want here. I used no names, and hardly anyone reads this blog. This is my place to vent, to process, to be myself. People in my family already hate me for being me, for having the memories I have, the PTSD, the other problems, so does it matter that one more person hates me? Honestly I do care about my niece and care if she cares about me, but I won't be told what I can and cannot write in my own damn blog. It is mine, and it is is going to stay purely mine. I won't be dictated to by family of anyone else what I say here. I felt I had been unfairly blown off for apologizing. I felt I had been unfairly blown off for offering a replacement for what I destroyed. At this point, no way am I surrendering my vehicle to her at 16. she threw the offer back in my face, so forget about it.
    Anyone who reads my blog and doesn't like what I say, needs to remember this is MY blog. I get to say how I feel and what I remember.

  7. You tell 'em, girl!