Big Man

Big man!
Man of the house!
Or so you thought.
Hitting doesn’t make you a man.
Taking by force what isn’t yours,
Does not make you a man.

Dad left,
You thought you were
In charge;
Fool!

Captain of the ship
In your little mind.
You could not command
A turd floating in the john,
How could you command a family?

In charge;
A joke.
Who held mom’s hand
When she was falling apart?
Not you.
Who rode a bike to the bar
And drove her home,
Barely able to reach
The pedals?
Who didn’t resort to violence
To settle her problems?
Not you.

Who are you big man,
To think you could
Ever be in charge?

Big man,
Fists,
Intimidation,
Rape,
Abuse,
Big man?

Small mind,
Stuck on one thing,
The way Dad did it

Did you like belittlement?
Did you like the violence?
The yelling?
I did not.
I could not be like him,
But you,
Big man,
Little mind,
Copied the one
Who hurt and abused;
Why?
What did you get from exerting
Power over me?
What did you get?

Smaller!
That’s what you got.
Not bigger,
Smaller,
Stupider,
Meaner,
Never bigger!
Wasted talent,
Wasted intelligence,
Wasted time.

Big man!
2009